“21% of teens said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their parents. Only 8% of parents said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their kids.” ― Meg Meeker
After 13 years of marriage we had six children and were pretty confident in our parenting. But when our oldest daughter became a teenager, we felt like we needed to learn how to parent all over again! This sweet 12 year old seemed to begin changing before our eyes and we had to pivot pretty quickly to learn what it was that she needed and what our new role was as parents. The teen years do not need to be horrible. In contrast, it should be the flowering of all the parenting you have done and an exciting time for you and your child! The question for parents is how do I learn how to love my child during this turbulent time of change from being a child to being an adult. In this episode, we give you some principles to remember and some practical things you can do to REALLY love your teenager.
If you want your teen to grow in virtue and maturity, you must give them freedom. Parents of teens move from being a protector to being a coach.
For teens who are forming their identity in relation to the world, their interests are equal with who they are. So if you learn more about their music, games, friends, and trends, they will receive the message that you like them, not just love them.
Teens need to be encouraged to take appropriate risks. Failure is a part of learning. They won’t succeed at everything they do and that is OK. This is the best time for them to learn these lessons.
Invite them into spiritual adulthood. Give them the opportunity to make the faith their own.
Looking back on your teen years, do you love your “teen self”? How can you grow in this?
List the names of your tweens and teens. What do you love about them? Share with your spouse and add to the list together.
What are your concerns about your teens? Does your spouse have the same concerns? Why or why not?
In what areas are you giving too much freedom? Where can you help your teen grow in independence?
The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt
IGen by Jean Twenge
Happiness is determined by our expectations…. If our expectations are modest… we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.
~Bishop Anthony Taylor, Diocese of Little Rock
All of us come into our vocations with expectations. We have dreams and plans, but expectations are more like assumptions. We have our own experience and we expect that things will go a certain way. The problem is, we can’t always articulate these expectations or even realize that we have them until they are unfulfilled and this can cause conflict with our spouses. In this episode, we talk about the relationship between expectations and happiness, how to articulate our expectations, and how to have realistic expectations of our marriage as you grow. We also share on a personal level what our expectations were and how we handled things when we were newly married compared to how we are today. This podcast is really one that you want to discuss with your spouse to help you both learn how to communicate better and forge greater unity.
Happiness is determined by our expectations and our ability to notice and rejoice in little things. If our expectations are modest, life will usually exceed our expectations and we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.
Many young couples have unrealistic expections of their spouse. They expect their spouse to do what only God can do: To meet all their needs for security, support and closeness.
Don’t lower your standards, just make them more realistic and realize you need to grow in your communication skills to have a strong marriage.
No matter if your expectations are fulfilled or now, always choose gratitude. There is always something to be thankful for and recognizing that is the key to happiness.
What were my expectations coming into our marriage?
Which of these were fulfilled? Which has led to disappointment?
What am I grateful for?
Article on Expectations and Happiness
The body is not meaningless, but meaningful - Jason Evert
Join us for this insightful conversation with Jason Evert, speaker and author. Jason has spoken all over the world and has created numerous resources for preteens and teens to dive deep into what it means to be free to love. Often parents feel under-equipped to talk about sex and chastity, but it is within the home that these lessons need to be learned and it is where they are taught most effectively. The first step is to communicate to your children how much you delight in them. Then we can speak to their hearts the truth of who they are. After that, we can teach them that by embracing the virtue of chastity we can truly be free to love others with a love like God’s. Jason’s new series for preteens, Envision, can be found at Ascension Press.
We can’t just tell our kids what NOT to do, but we must communicate that chastity gives them freedom. Chastity gives them the freedom to love.
Knowing the theology of our bodies answers the question, “Who am I and how should I live?”
The world tells our kids that their bodies are meaningless, but in reality, they are meaningful. What we do with our bodies matters.
Rules without relationships breed rebellion. Most of our kids know we love them, but do they believe we like them? That we like being with them? That is the foundation that needs to be laid to form them.
How are we communicating to our kids now that what they do with their bodies matters?
What are some ways we can show our kids not just that we LOVE them but that we LIKE them too?
Do we understand the importance of Theology of the Body? Is this something we need to look into more?
"Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit" Proverbs 25:28
Summary:
Have you ever had a child melt down because they didn’t get what they wanted? How do we respond to emotional outbursts in our children? Self-control is an underappreciated virtue in our modern culture, but ironically, it is the one skill we can teach our children that can help them achieve great success. Instead of embracing the maxim of today, “Just do it!” we should be echoing the slogan of the 80’s anti-drug campaign, "Just say no!”. Our children need to learn from a young age that they CAN be in charge of how they react to their emotions, but they need your guidance and help to do this. In this podcast, we give some tips and tricks on how to speak to your child and put them in the driver’s seat of life.
Key Takeaways:
Emotional outbursts are a sign of immaturity. As they grow and as you teach them they will learn. But if you don’t get this under control when they are young you will be sorry
Self control is an unappreciated virtue. Lack of self control is lauded in our culture “Just do it!” as opposed to “Just say no!”
Important to train your child early!! Their brain can change more than any other time in their lives. Often we focus more on training in athletics or academics than virtue, but virtue is where they will find success in life.
When they are emotional, teach your children how to activate the logical part of their brain. As parents of young children, we help them regulate their emotions so they can learn how to do it themselves.
Give them space to make a choice. The more they do it, the stronger and better they will be at it
Couple Discussion Questions:
How would we define self control? Why is it important
How do we respond to our children when they lose control? What do we think about this?
What are some good strategies we can use for our children specifically?